They say no news is good news, right? Between Prison Break (more about this later), Gossip Girl and Sex and the City, what do I do in the evenings? Well Mr E and I seem to be (fingers crossed) on the up and up. driving lessons on the down and down - probably not worth mentioning. I'm starting to think maybe, just maybe - my life needs more adventure. Now, obviously I know that no-one is reading this, no-one even remotely knows about this!
I actually spoke too soon. I'm going to use this as an e-therapy session, if you don't mind. So all day, I've been clearly upset, so clearly. First, and I'll explain: Mr E doesn't talk to me for over an hour, I finally say "so..." then he tells me the reason why he didn't talk to me is because he was "talking to an old friend" obviously at the same he didn't state that this was in person, I assumed (wrongly apparently) that it was online.
So I suggest I logoff if I'm interrupting, I wait over 5 minutes for a response, you know - "no it's ok i'll just be x amount of time" - but nothing, he didn't respond so I just logged off. I re-logged back on about 10 minutes later, sat and waited for a message before he left work, I just sat and next thing I knew, he logged off msn (I assume he was going home). Mr E doesn't seem to see why this would hurt me, and I don't know if him not knowing that it's hurting me, actually hurts me more than the whole situation itself.
Then he doesn't talk to me all day, obviously gets mad at me because I'm upset (which he promised he would try to stop doing; to no avail so far.) Anywa, the ignoring each other since he's been back home lasted till we started going to bed. Then we talk on msn, I suggest we go to bed, he tells me he's going to get the phone - 10 minutes later he tells me his mum called him upstairs. Though, why would you go offline status on facebook for that I don't know. He always go into offline mode on fb and it's starting to bother me because I can't for the life of me, figure out why.
ANYWAY. Enough about Mr E for now (in other words: everything has already all been blamed on me so there is no point talking about it anymore.) it just bothers me because he knows how I feel about everything, he knows that I feel like we're drifting away, he knows all this but it never changes anything and it's starting to worry me. Can someone really not be affected by someone being as upset as I am? It's inhumane... Oh well, nothing I can do about that right now.
your wannabe housewife.
Tuesday 19 January 2010
Saturday 16 January 2010
here goes nothing
So. It's 5:24am to be exact, and my long distance boyfriend of almost 14 months and I had planned to sleep oh just about 5 hours ago. Got into bed (via phone) nice and snug preparing to read (me, for once) but of course he'd be asleep within minutes, sometimes seconds; me left clueless as to how to send myself to sleep. Up until a month ago it would be: him reading to me (him - who I'll call Mr Evasive), me falling asleep within a page or two, me snoring (yes, I'm one of those.) then him gently speaking my name to check I'm asleep so he can begin to do the same. But recently, it's either neither of us, or me being forced to do so because I'm selfish. (yes, also one of those.)
I guess I should sum myself up in a line or two. I'm a tad neurotic - some describe this as paranoid, but neurotic entails so much more than paranoia and really just sounds a bit more clever. I wouldn't say clingy or possessive, I'd rather say.. loyal. I also wouldn't say controlling or selfish but on several occasions has my boyfriend told me so, thus making it probably true. The positives? Well let's see, I want to do a lot of things, though I'm a bit of a perfectionist, (see: neurotic) but that just means that when I DO do things, they are pretty much fantastic. Bit of an OCD for tidying/cleaning/germ - again, neurotic. I suppose that one word just sums it up a treat huh.
Now I'm left here pondering to myself not only why I'm writing, but wondering why it feels wonderfully delightful to let out some steam! I feel like I've earned it, y'know. All these suppressed feelings of anxiety and wondering where my relationship is heading blah blah... only to have these worries fade away at the sound of his delicious french accent. You'd think his accent would deteriorate over time but you'd be surprised, especially when he's angry and he's searching for the appropriate words to throw at me, just makes it all the more sexy. I admit sometimes it's hard to determine between changing subject and suggesting a quick phone-sex session! (again, one of those!)
Well anyway, tonight was different because I woke Mr. E up mid-sleep, only to tell him I was lonely and I'd been reading for half an hour and I needed to hear his voice. What did I get in return? "I'm tired, you don't care about me, only yourself" - though after this bout of selfishness - on his part, might I add - I hung up. I do this often now, nothing I do grabs his attention when I'm on the phone, nor when I'm off. What is a girl to do when situations like this present themselves? So I read for 4 more hours, and here I am, tapping away to myself.
5:44am, probably best I hit the hay. 'Til the morn' folks.
Your friendly wannabe housewife.
I guess I should sum myself up in a line or two. I'm a tad neurotic - some describe this as paranoid, but neurotic entails so much more than paranoia and really just sounds a bit more clever. I wouldn't say clingy or possessive, I'd rather say.. loyal. I also wouldn't say controlling or selfish but on several occasions has my boyfriend told me so, thus making it probably true. The positives? Well let's see, I want to do a lot of things, though I'm a bit of a perfectionist, (see: neurotic) but that just means that when I DO do things, they are pretty much fantastic. Bit of an OCD for tidying/cleaning/germ - again, neurotic. I suppose that one word just sums it up a treat huh.
Now I'm left here pondering to myself not only why I'm writing, but wondering why it feels wonderfully delightful to let out some steam! I feel like I've earned it, y'know. All these suppressed feelings of anxiety and wondering where my relationship is heading blah blah... only to have these worries fade away at the sound of his delicious french accent. You'd think his accent would deteriorate over time but you'd be surprised, especially when he's angry and he's searching for the appropriate words to throw at me, just makes it all the more sexy. I admit sometimes it's hard to determine between changing subject and suggesting a quick phone-sex session! (again, one of those!)
Well anyway, tonight was different because I woke Mr. E up mid-sleep, only to tell him I was lonely and I'd been reading for half an hour and I needed to hear his voice. What did I get in return? "I'm tired, you don't care about me, only yourself" - though after this bout of selfishness - on his part, might I add - I hung up. I do this often now, nothing I do grabs his attention when I'm on the phone, nor when I'm off. What is a girl to do when situations like this present themselves? So I read for 4 more hours, and here I am, tapping away to myself.
5:44am, probably best I hit the hay. 'Til the morn' folks.
Your friendly wannabe housewife.
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